The art of waiting

So far it seems that the biggest enemy of the country club caddy is not the bad tipper but, instead, boredom. Three hours on the grass can be matched by almost double that amount waiting around for a loop. As any professional for whom waiting is an integral part of their job (soldier, retail associate, Maytag Man) will tell you, one must come up with novel ways to pass the time. Card playing, smoking, gambling and conversations about card playing, smoking and gambling seem to do the trick at the club where I work.

Unfortunately for me, I don't know how to play cards, I quit smoking and never had the urge to start up again and I learned my lesson gambling several years ago. So what to do?

Mostly I listen, observe, laugh a lot at the stories being told and just try to kill the time as best I can until I get my turn on the grass. Because the irony for me is, the most boring time is the time spent caddying. Watching some retired dermatologist shoot 120 is not my idea of a golf fantasy. So what to do? Well, I have come up with a novel way to hold my own interest while still keeping my head in what I am doing. I haven't come up with a name for the game yet, but basically it involves positioning myself off the tee as close as I possibly can to where their tee shot will come to rest. It is a remarkably simple game, actually. After one or two holes, you pretty much have it figured out how your guy hits the ball: 180-yard banana slice, 140-yard snap hook, 100-yard driver straight down the middle (this last shot is the sole domain of the over-80 set). My goal is to position myself so that I will have to walk as little as possible to find their tee shot.

Yesterday, I got a little too good at it, and found myself having to stay alert so as not to get hit by one of these little dimpled orbs. No matter. I simply integrated "standing your ground" into the rules of the game.

Still haven't figured out a points system or anything like that and it is still unclear how I know when I have "won." All I know is it keeps me awake and somewhat alert and enthusiastic for the next round of tee shots. The players probably think I am one of those pinheads who is preturnaturally giddy about his work. Little do they know it is simply a way to keep from falling asleep on my feet.